Size-ism, Able-ism, Disgust and Compassion or If I'm a Pagan, how come I meet Christ so often?

In my first post in this blog, I mentioned that one of the Gods of my house is Christ in his guise as homeless dude.

I've met Christ several times in my life--Not literally (I don't think, but perhaps I'm wrong), but in the "I greet the divinity within you" sort of way.

Last week I met him in the form of a possibly drug addled, traumatized, toothless, middle aged white man.

The thing is, whenever I've met Christ, He's always in the form of someone who would normally inspire both fear and disgust. It is my obligation, my intention, my wyrd to overcome both, in order to see Him.

There was a bit of a kerfuffle just before we got there, about accepting a women to the shelter because she had higher medical needs than we could cope with. The medical supervisor called around to the various shelters that handled nursing home level of medical needs. For hours she did this. None of them would take her.

The problem was not her medical issues: She walked with a cane and needed help getting in and out of bed. She communicated just fine, albeit slowly. Had control over her bodily functions. She was on numerous medications, had a bunch of chronic problems. This would doubtless why she was receiving the level of care she was getting.

The problem then? Her weight.

In what I can only think of as rampant size-ism, these places complained that they couldn't find a bariatric (specially made for fat people) cot (we had one, we could have sent one). They complained that they didn't have equipment. They complained they didn't have staff.

In other words, she was too fat to be sheltered.  At less than five foot, she probably weighed 400lbs. She had a lot of the issues that one would see in a person of that size. So, they would turn her away because of it.

The woman was kept hanging like this until Mister Toothless White Guy says to the shelter manager and medical supervisor, "You know what? I live in the same building as her. She's fine. We'll (the other shelter residents) help her out. She should stay here."

And as it turned out, people did help. People made sure she got three meals a day, they talked to her, they helped her to the bathroom and the shower. Perhaps there was some comments about her size, but I never heard them.

One of my night shifts, one of the other night staff came to tell me that this woman needed help getting to the bathroom. There was a look on his face that I really couldn't place. The nursing supervisor was catching a nap and I was really reluctant to wake her. On the other hand, the worker seemed to be implying that this was a major undertaking. I decided to see what I could do without waking the supervisor. I figured I could always call her  if I needed to.

I went down to the dorm and found the female police officer and the male shelter manager trying to help her up. They both were clearly uncomfortable, but mostly because this involved helping someone rather intimately.

I was concerned that, the way everyone was acting, that we had to carry her to the restroom.

Really, it was surprisingly easy. She had some of the typical motor control issues that you see in stroke patient but she was able to swing her legs out of bed with only a little help. She was practiced at using her cane to pull herself up. From there, I walked beside her to the restroom. Really, I was only there to make sure she didn't lose her balance.

I asked her if she needed help in the rest room and she said, "No, thank you." and I just waited outside. When she was done, she walked her own self back to her bed, with only a very little bit of help. She needed help getting into her bed, as again, the motor control on her legs was not good.

That done, I left, wondering what all the fuss was about.

In retrospect, I realize the male shelter workers expression was disgust, that great killer of compassion.

I'd heard that before. I know that Kali is all about overcoming disgust, but I'd never had it brought home to me what a huge deal it was.

Our fat woman had some problems that inspired disgust in this normally (I'm pretty sure that people who don't have compassion don't work for the Red Cross) pretty compassionate man.

First, and most obviously was her size. Second was the fact that she was a little whiffy--she'd been wearing the same clothes for days because she'd lost literally everything and (big surprise) we didn't have any clothes that would fit her. She also had trouble bathing, because (another big surprise) she really couldn't do it herself.

The man muttered darkly about her but I didn't catch it (ok, I was mentally going "lalalalalala I can't hear you!"). It seemed to be a weight thing, as though her weight issues were causing the other things. Actually, given the neurological issues, I doubt she could have done those things anyway.

This was when Toothless White Guy entered the scene. He very politely asked if he could have a word. I really though he was going to complain about her. Instead, he asked me if I could make sure to write  a report for her case manager, outlining her needs. He spent a long time with me. There was no condescension in his manner, no sense of anything but pure concern.

Toothless White Guy had nothing in the world but the clothes on his back.

I mentioned how sweet I found our lady. He agreed that she was very sweet, but then very seriously told me, "And even if she were an asshole, she'd still deserve the care."

He smiled toothlessly at me,and I realized I had, for perhaps the third time in my life, met Christ.

As I said, not literally, but I cannot think of anything quite so Christ-like--going out of his way to care for a woman who frankly is suffering from a type of modern day leprosy (the social stigma, not the actual disease). No one would have blamed him if he had just ignored the whole thing, it wasn't his problem. But his actions inspired the compassion of others. I noticed how many people helped this woman, before I left. All people who didn't have to. She never lacked for company or help.

I found myself thinking about a friend of mine, wishing I could offer more concrete help. But she lives three hours away from me has Mulitple Chemical Sensitivity and I don't kid myself that I am anything but toxic (I don't do scents, or cosmetics, air fresheners, but we have a wood stove and I use cheap ass shampoo and Arm and Hammer detergent on my clothes so they don't smell) to her. I worry about her and have done what I can. She's another one suffering from metaphoric leprosy, only hers is of the "Middle-aged-woman with weird health care issues" variety. This makes her a bad patient. She is the bad poor person because she won't shut up. She doesn't "know her place".

Another friend who is fleeing a bad marriage suffers from it too. All those people she thought would support her have evaporated. Again, I can only offer my sympathetic ears

Having met Christ, I think a prayer to him and hope he can help the all the people who need it navigate the Byzantine maze of so-called aid organizations. Perhaps Christ is the patron God of those who seek compassion?

A little note about my use of the term "fat": "Fat" is a descriptor, not a value judgment. It is an adjetive like "Short" or "Tall" and is preferred by many size positive people.



  

All The Creatures

So here's where I've been sleeping. It's the weight room in the athletic building that the Red Cross is using as a shelter. I brought my backpack and hiking gear, which seems like a good decision. They are currently short of housing for shelter volunteers and since I'm so short term, I'm happy to stay at the shelter and sleep on a cot.

 The shelter I am working in is one of those that can accommodate animals. They have a heated trailer out back staffed by volunteers. We went outside for some kitteh and puppy therapy.

Shelter in the storm

We arrived at 10:00 this morning at Red Cross headquarters. They sent us to an orientation class. After we identified ourselves as health care workers, we were "fast tracked" in regards to assignments.

It took two hours to get us an assignment--the Red Cross headquarters were less than organized chaos. The nor'easter was spooking everyone. The Weather Channel is calling this storm Athena:



We're now expecting six inches, if this is to be believed.

Five minutes after we left the headquarters, the Red Cross issued a travel ban, but we were already on the road, and honestly it wasn't bad yet.

The shelter Tanya and I arrived at had on nurse who'd been on for at least 24 hours. She'd been promised an EMT the night before who never arrived.

So, it seems that Tanya and I are going to be here through tomorrow evening. I'm working 12:00 to 8:00. Tanya worked 4:00PM-8:00PM and will work 8:00AM-8:00PM. In all likelyhood I will work tomorrow from 8PM to 8AM.

We took our supplies to the Occupy drop point because they seem to be the ones who are doing the best job distributing things. Here's what was bought:

Gas lines were back again today and many stations said "No gas".

 The Governor Christi and Mayor Bloomburg put out travel warnings, asking people to get off the roads by 4:00. We passed this sign on the way.

So here's us in our vests:

Tanya is better at taking pictures than I am.

It may be that we will see an influx of residents tonight or tomorrow. Or perhaps not. We'll see.

Things are really difficult down here. Everyone seems to be waiting for the locusts and pestilence along  with the governor.

One thing that we're expecting is that people who can no longer afford to stay in hotels will have to come to the shelters, as perhaps, people who've already been ten days without heat.

We're seeing utility companies from all over, but its tough to work in this stuff.

Arrived!

We have arrived safely in NJ. So far, except that we keep seeing people with lots of stuff in the backs of their cars and on trailers, you wouldn't know that much is wrong here.

However, under the surface you can hear the anxiety. Lots of people talking about this or that persons house gone, people still without power.

We waited for gas in Ramapo for twenty minutes. That was nothing, compared to some of the lines.

Once inside NJ proper, about half the gas stations were closed and some stores didn't have power.

We dropped off our donations at the Lyndhurst Police station, where Occupy is gathering them. Everyone seems to agree that Occupy is doing the best job of distributing things.

Going to head into the Red Cross in the morning.

Paganaidd becomes Pagan Aid!

I'm heading down to volunteer with the Red Cross in New Jersey day after tomorrow. Praying to the God of the Roads to keep me safe while I do so.

If anyone wants to contribute monetarily, I've got a microgiving account opened

Prayers and good thoughts are also appreciated!

Omens

A bird in the house. Red and white flowers with no other flowers in the arrangement. A red blanket on a white bed.

These were the worst of omens when I was growing up.

Along with new shoes on the table, blood on the doorstep, salt spilled on the table.

But my family wasn't superstitious.

If a bird gets in the house, there's going to be a death.

Red and white, an accident. In the UK hospitals where my great Aunt used to be a nurse, if someone sent a red and white flower arrangement, it was a sign that someone on the ward would die.

New shoes on the table, bad news.

Blood on the doorstep, very bad news.

Salt spilled, the Devil's in the house.

Any of these sound familiar to anyone else? I've seen them in books about the Appalachians and heard them from New Englanders and Southerners. Westerners?

Animism can stand beside any other brand of religion, I think. Even Monotheists want to propitiate the local spirits.

Once upon a time it was hex signs and witch's bottles. Now it's affirmations and "The Secret."

I think its very important to think about these beliefs; it is through this unconscious Animism that I first came to an understanding of my own beliefs in the sentience of everything.

Not every bird is an omen, but when one starts to persistently insist on being in your house, that's something to think about.

Blood on the doorstep doesn't mean much when its accompanied by the body of the mouse your kitty dropped off for you. It's different when it's red drops against white snow and you don't have any animals to either cut their feet or bring you presents.

It's the weird thing that grabs our attention. 

I've wondered before what the purpose of omens are. They don't tend to be helpful in forearming people for hard times. They're so darn vague that, generally, one never has any idea what they're about.

But, like so much about the way we view the world, that's a rather human-centric idea, that the omens would be good for us.

What if omens were just a result of interacting with the world?

There's this idea that time as a linear thing only seems that way because of human perception. I won't go into that, because it starts to hurt my head to think about it too much. Suffice to say that, to quote Dr Who, "It's all wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey...stuff." The perception of time can, perhaps, be bent and and perceived in advance.

According to a Cornell researcher, our lymbic systems (where many of our emotions arise from and what can just shut down our higher cognitive functions in a pinch), can perceive events before they happen, especially those events that are emotionally charged.

So, perhaps our interaction with the natural world, combined with these perceptions, produce the omens, dreams or precognitive moments that happen so frequently to people. 

Most of the time, a raven is a raven and we don't see it or think about it. Every so often, when some powerful event is about to happen, we get that weird peek through time. Our mind must give it context, so one gets a deep chill from the raven that is cawing on the branch in the yard. 

In other words, we are merely noticing these meaningful symbols in reaction to these moments of perceptual breakthrough.

So, omens are not necessarily helpful. They just are.

As an Animist, I can accept that those being that I have forged alliances with, might be trying to communicate in their own alien (in the sense that they are non human intelligences) way. 

Some years ago, I had a week where I kept seeing foxes everywhere. Pictures of foxes ended up being sent to me by email. I say foxes in stores, on bumper stickers, all kinds of places. One day I looked outside to see a fox standing in the middle of the yard, looking at me. I was invited to a talk a psychic was giving and she, in the middle of the Q & A session looked at me and asked, "Did you know you have a fox totem?"

So I go and look up foxes--Here's what I find:

The fox encourages us to think outside of the box and use our intelligence in different, creative ways. The fox also brings us a message to try to approach our circumstances differently that we normally would. Be aware of some of our habits, and try a different angle of action.

The fox also a reminder that we must utilize all of our resources (seen and unseen) in order to accomplish our goals. Sometimes this means calling upon some unorthodox methods.

Furthermore, the fox is a sign to be mindful of our surroundings.

Phenomenally effective shapeshifters and incredibly adaptable, the fox beckons us to not make too many waves but rather, adapt to our surroundings, blend into it, and use our surroundings (and circumstances) to our advantage.

A week later, I found myself in the situation where all of these things were true. So, for whatever reason, Fox had taken an interest in me because I needed her (the fox I saw was a vixen with kits). Why? I couldn't tell you, but Fox is one of the spirits that chose me I guess.

As far as omens in general go, it doesn't do to get too hung up on them, unless they are clear enough that they supply you with a way to change your future. Most of the time, a raven is just a raven.








  

Heather needs help

My friend Heather over at Adventures in Animism is in serious need. She can no longer live in her apartment due to Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. I've set up a microfunding site for her.

She needs a safe place to live. If you are one of her followers and you can spare anything, you would have my deepest gratitude.